“They are all shit bags that are lucky they are cute.” That is a direct quote of a text I just sent to a friend in reference to children ages 2-4. I have one on either end of that spectrum and I am therefor fully justified in making such a statement.
Forgive me; the highlight of my day was watching a tiny human drop a hot steaming load of crap into a waterless bucket fashioned to something resembling a toilet seat. Then, adding insult to injury, I had the pleasure of dumping that load into an actual toilet and then cleaning the remnant shit out of that waterless bucket. Yet somehow this is cause for a celebration. It is the first of it’s kind for this tiny person and it means that I am one step closer to the dream of being a diaper free house. The dream that includes spending 3-7 days under volunteer house arrest watching this tiny person pee and crap day in and day out…hopefully into the contraption but, more likely onto my floors and carpet. And let’s not leave out that today The CEO informed me that he wipes his own ass at school but he “wants [me] to do it until he is five.” Hmph. Sounds awesome dude, where do I sign up? Sure you don’t want to wait until you are six, I mean why quit while you are ahead?
Remember that show “Dirty Jobs” on Discovery? Eight fucking seasons and was “Mom” ever one of the jobs? Nope. I think the ass wiping alone qualifies but I can throw in some pretty epic diarrhea in the tub stories to seal the deal.
Shit bags…every last one of them.
|I call this one "Elmo's 3 Shits"|
(Holding Elmo, while sitting on Elmo Potty, while watching "Elmo Goes Potty")